didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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