she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
