Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
