Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
