just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
