idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
