Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
