there's paper in my vomit.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
