i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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