dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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