I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
