Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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