My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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