her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
