you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
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Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
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I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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