Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
