Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
