I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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