i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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