happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize
