Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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