and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
