I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My cat gives me a boner
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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