Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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