He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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