There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride