dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize