i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.