i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?