he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)