were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.