Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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