just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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