3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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