if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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