i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
