dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
