I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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