My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
