Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
