were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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