doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Mom said you looked used
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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