I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
