so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
