How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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