Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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