Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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