At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
