I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
