cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
