We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
