Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
