my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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