I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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