making cat noises will not fix the situation.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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