Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
