could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
