I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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