Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It's just like the Real World with babies
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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