3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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