I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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