...so i touched it.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
