dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
