You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
