Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
