You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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