you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
