im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
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I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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