Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
