great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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