There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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