one two three fourrrrnication!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
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