Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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