Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
