I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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