I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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