when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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