I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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