i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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