My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
