So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
