I don't usually arrange sex via text message
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
